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  "Uhg!" Selene storms out of the kitchen. A few moments later I hear the bedroom door slam. She may not like what I have to say, but it's the truth. She's having a grand old time playing house, but one of us has to act like a grown up.

  I don't bother going after her. I need to get to work and sort through hours of tape with the video editor. Selene will have to deal with her pissy attitude on her own. Once I get out of the elevator and head to the parking garage, I call my sister.

  "Hey Lex, you think you can fill in for me at Selene's appointment today?"

  "Cooper, what are you going to do if you're actually around when she goes into labor? Huh? You haven't been to one appointment."

  "Fuck you. I have been to one, and if it's such a problem, I'll call Mom." I hope she doesn't call my bluff because the last person I ever want to call for help is my mother.

  *

  "I'm not surprised you knocked her up," my mother says pulling a cigarette out of the pack and taking a long pull on It, as she cups her hand around the end and turns the flint on the lighter. "I'm surprised it's taken you this long to get another girl in trouble."

  Not this again.

  "Tell me son, are you going to leave this one high and dry as well?"

  Why does she always have to go there? Why does she always have to remind me about how I turned my back on Luna?

  "I love Selene."

  "You loved what's her name, too."

  "Luna! Her name was Luna. And this is nothing like that. I thought you might like to know you're going to be a grandmother. If all you want to do is make me feel like shit about it, then I'm sorry, I have to go."

  I head for the door, but my mother stops me on the way. She takes my arm and I turn toward her.

  "I'm sorry handsome. I'm not being very supportive am I?"

  I don't bother answering, I just stare at her.

  "That's wonderful news. I can't wait to meet Selene."

  *

  "So can you help me, Lexi? Or not?"

  "I'll be there. You know I like her. I don't want you to fuck this up, Cooper. She's the best thing to happen to you in a really long time."

  I ignore her warning. She shouldn't be trying to lecture me on how to live my life when she's been hung up on the same guy for years, who just happens to be a shit just like me.

  "Great. I'll let her know you'll be coming to get her."

  I send Selene a text message as I sit in the car warming it up. She doesn't respond right away. That's cool. She's a little disappointed. She'll get over it.

  *

  I don't want to walk into my apartment. I've sent Selene texts all day, but she hasn't responded to one. Lexi called to tell me the appointment went well. Everything looks good, but Selene is super pissed. That's all the excuse I need to meet up with Noah after work and go throw a few drinks back. I'm sure my sister let him off his leash because she thought he could talk some sense into me.

  "The shit has to stop, Cooper. Either you're all in, or you're all out. This halfway bullshit is driving everyone crazy."

  "So now Lexi is bitching at you about how I'm skirting my responsibilities."

  "No, man. I'm not blind. Is your sister stressing over it? Yeah. She likes Selene, and the baby is going to be her niece or nephew. She's afraid Selene is going to jump ship and she's never going to see that kid."

  "Jump ship. No worries, there's no place for her to go."

  "You really are stupid, man. Just because you're not attracted to her right now doesn't mean no one else is."

  I slam my glass down on the bar. "Who's fucking hitting on her? You?"

  "Lower your voice," Noah says looking around. "Of course not, but if you think you can let your shit stink the place up because there's nowhere else to go, your wrong. There's always someone or something better out there."

  "Is she still talking to that fuck head, Mateo?"

  "I don't know," Noah looks away and I know he's full of shit. What's worse is that he's taking her side instead of mine."

  "Nice to know I can always count on you," I say throwing down enough money to cover our drinks and the tip. "See you around."

  "Cooper, the baby shower is Saturday. You better be available. Troy and I are helping out, but the girls are going to go ape shit if you're not there."

  Great, the girls are going to be pissed. Story of my life.

  Chapter 19

  "Selene!" I yell walking into the apartment, slamming the door behind me.

  "What?" She asks coming out of the kitchen, her eyes red and puffy.

  I close in on her with a nasty scowl. "Are you still talking to Mateo?"

  "You've been out drinking?" She asks in an accusatory tone.

  "I met Noah for a drink, only to find out you want to leave me."

  "Is that what he told you? I never said that."

  "Well you said something that made my sister think you're looking to get out."

  "You want to know what I said, I said that it's not working, and I'm worried you're going to resent us."

  "That's a load of bullshit."

  "Be honest, Cooper. You're not attracted to me anymore. You haven't touched me in months. On the rare occasion that anything does happen between us, it's always me that initiates it."

  I'm so pissed at the nonsense she's spewing, I have half a mind to turn her around, bend her over and show her how attracted I am to her. It's fucking painful to sleep next to her night after night and not touch her. But once my eyes drop to her bulging belly, I can't bring myself to touch her.

  "See? I see it in your face right now." She rubs her hands over her belly. "I disgust you."

  "Stop." I pull her into my arms. She resists until I meet her lips with my own. Once I break away from the kiss, she leans her head against my chest.

  "I'm losing you, Cooper. I know it, and it hurts like hell, because I still love you so much. I've been trying to hold on, but I don't think I can anymore."

  I look down and tilt her chin up so I can look in her eyes. The sadness I see in them rips through me, straight to my heart. I'm hurting her. I don't want to. She's my world, and I can't bring myself to stop hurting her.

  "I'm sorry. I'll try harder."

  "Try what? Tolerating my touch? Not hating me?"

  I brush my lips against her cheek. "Please, stop talking like this. You're wrong. Come, get off your feet." I lead her over to the couch and sit her down. I pull her back against me and wrap her up in my arms. "I love you. I know I've been a shit, but it's because I have so much on my mind."

  "I know, and you never share any of it with me."

  "I don't want to worry you, or stress you out. It's my job to figure out how I'm going to support us. You need to focus on you and the baby. I've got everything else."

  "That's just it. You're compartmentalizing everything. You have no part in any of the baby stuff."

  "Because it's not important to me. I know you've been banging your head against the wall trying to figure out colors and themes. I don't care if we paint the room yellow, or green. I only care that we have a room to paint, and the crib for it to sleep in, and all the other things it needs. It's not that I don't care, it's that if picking out bedding with giraffes over teddy bears makes you happy, then that's what I want. You to be happy."

  "You're never at any of the appointments. It scares me." Her hands move over her stomach. "It just reminds me that you don't really want this child."

  "How can you say that?" I kiss her neck while I run my hands over her stomach as well. "I'm here with you. I'm trying to give you what you need."

  "Have you fucked anyone else?"

  I pull my hands away. I can't believe she's going there. "First of all, I haven't been with anyone else since the first time we had sex. I told you this already. Second of all, what would it matter? You were willing to have an open relationship with Mateo?"

  "I don't love Mateo." The tears start. I can't wait until she gets her damn hormones under control. "I told you, that's not the kind of relatio
nship I want with you."

  "Well you never told me exactly what kind of relationship you do want with me."

  She sits up so that we're no longer touching. I feel her pull away emotionally as well.

  "It doesn't matter," she says struggling to get to her feet. "But for the record, I wanted it all with you. Love, marriage, the house with a white picket fence around it."

  "Selene."

  "Don't. I know that's not what you want. I'm sorry I said anything." I watch her in silence as she waddles to my bedroom and closes the door. I want to go after her, I do, but I can't get off the couch. My lungs won't take in anymore air, and I don't want her to see how her words are suffocating me.

  Chapter 20

  "Aww!" I hear at the bar coming from the other room where a bunch of women I don't know are oohing and ahhing over a gift Selene opened. Her mother, along with my sister and mother teamed up to arrange the shower. I know Selene thought she'd get one, but she didn't expect it until after the baby came since we don't know the sex. Of course that's my fault, because I didn't make it to the appointment where we'd learn the sex, and she didn't want to find out without me.

  All week I've been trying very hard to be extra attentive to Selene. I hate that I'm making her feel like I don't want her in my life. Ever since she told me she didn't want to live when I left her in Italy, it's like I can't allow myself to really connect with her. Not the way I did before, because now I have to worry what she might do to herself if things don't work out. I know they were just words, but to me, they were a very real threat. Between that and her half-baked plan to move in with Mateo, I have a hard time looking at her the way I did before all this.

  "I'm so glad you could make time in your busy schedule today. We've all heard how you can't be bothered showing up to anything baby related." Troy tries to kid. I've just about had it with his passive aggressive bullshit. If he wants to give it, he better be ready to take it as well.

  "Yeah, well I knew Marlena would be here."

  His stare is piercing. I know if he could get his hand on knife right now, He'd stick it through my heart.

  "Your baby is due in no time, and you're making inappropriate jokes about my wife, you scumbag?"

  "Hey, guys. This is supposed to be a happy occasion," Noah tries to ease the tension between us. "Let's get a round of tequila on me."

  "Don't you think we'd be more productive if we're sober when we move all the crap?" Troy suggests.

  "If we get too fucked up, the girls can drive. Just as long as we're not so shit faced that we can't carry the stuff to and from the car," Noah answers.

  After our third round of shots and several beers, I glance at my watch. "I think it should be wrapping up soon."

  My phone chimes alerting me to an email. Noah and Troy are going on about a touchdown we just watched on the bar's television that's now under review. Me, I couldn't care less so I check my email.

  I see something new in my work inbox with contestant in the subject line from an email address I don't recognize. I know I should put my phone away, but I really don't care about the football game, and I don't want anything distracting me later. I know Selene is going to want to sort through all the presents with me when we get home. I have to show an interest and pretend I give a shit. I open the email now so later I can give her my undivided attention.

  I scan it quickly before opening the video attachment.

  The camera is zoomed in on a pretty woman's face. She's looking at the camera from under her long dark hair and unnaturally thick eyelashes. Her eyeliner is heavy around the eyes, and her teeth are digging into her very full bottom lip.

  "So, I'm not sure what Anything Goes is really about, but I do know that the winner walks away with fifty grand. And Mr. Cooper," the way she said my name breathy and flirty, hits me in the pants. "I could really use the money."

  I should close out of this and wait until I'm alone, because I have a feeling this isn't your average, run of the mill cooking audition tape. Her eyes shift to the side of the room, and then back to the camera. Her tongue darts out of her mouth as she runs it back and forth over her super glossed bottom lip. I'm entranced.

  "Remember, Mr. Cooper. If you like what you see, I'll be happy to have an interactive live audition for you." The camera zooms out, and she takes off her robe and tosses it to the floor. She's standing naked in front of the camera.

  I swallow hard, soaking in her perfect body. She's curvy and round, exactly what a woman should be. I'm not sure if it's the look in her eyes, or her large, perky tits that have me unable to take my eyes off the screen.

  An instrumental piece starts somewhere in the background as she backs up onto a four poster bed, the camera moving along with her. She settles herself so that her back is leaning against the headboard keeping her elevated. She's not laying down, nor purely upright, and her legs are spread wide, giving me a very good view of her perfectly hairless pussy.

  "By the way, I love poster beds, they make getting tied up so much fun."

  My thumb and forefinger stroke my chin as I watch her rub her too-large-for-her-hands tits playing with and pinching the nipple of each one.

  "What the fuck are you watching?" I hear Troy's voice, but it's distant, far away. The moans coming from the girl, as she picks a huge fucking dildo up from under the covers and sticks it inside her, are what's filling my ears.

  "Dude, you're fucking watching porn at a baby shower? You really are a sick motherfucker."

  "It's not porn," I answer, not bothering to look at him. "At least nothing I set out to find. She sent this to me. It's fucking hot as hell!"

  "Let me see," Noah pushes Troy trying to get in on the action.

  "No way. You're with Lexi, you don't get to eye fuck girls anymore."

  "Holy shit!" Troy almost shouts, "She's deep throating it!"

  He's referring to the dildo that up until thirty seconds ago was pumping in and out of her. Now she's got it in her mouth licking and sucking it in a way that's making all three of us jealous.

  "You are such a fucking pig, Cooper Sutton!" I turn to the shrill voice behind me. "We're here to celebrate your baby, and you're showing off your past conquests."

  "Jealous it's not you?"

  I don't know what hits me first, Marlene's palm, or Troy's fist. I slide off the bar stool onto the floor. Then the yelling starts.

  "You ever talk to my wife like that again, I will fuck you up!"

  "Troy, it's fine. He isn't worth it."

  Marlena gets between us and works on backing him up. I don't know what's up his ass lately. Anytime I speak to her or mention her to him, it's like he wants to chop my junk off. Noah moves in front of Lexi so that she's protected in case Troy decides to dive after me. A few moments later, when things look a bit calmer my sister calls attention to the scene by sticking up for me and yelling at Troy.

  Still sitting on the floor of the bar area, a shadow hovers over me. I look up to see who's standing there. It's Selene. She's holding my phone, watching. Tears stream from her eyes.

  Fuck. Me!

  Chapter 21

  "Okay, but aside from the comment to Marlena, I didn't do anything," I plead my case to Noah on the ride home.

  "Dude, you have some serious ass kissing to do."

  "But I didn't do a fucking thing."

  "Doesn't matter. She's not listening. Can you blame her?"

  I shake my head. Yes, I can fucking blame her because all I've ever done as far as Selene is concerned is try to do the right thing, the responsible thing. But it's never been good enough for her. Nothing I ever do is good enough. For anyone.

  I'm realizing that's the problem I'll never be enough, whether it's her or my mother, or anyone else. They'll always see what they want. All they see in me is the player, the liar. I thought, I hoped Selene sees the man. The man with a beating heart and feelings. I'm hurt because I let her see me vulnerable and broken back in Italy, but it still doesn't matter.

  We drive the next thirty minute
s back to my place in silence. I think Noah understands I'm at my breaking point. It's pissing me off to no extent that Selene won't talk to me and that my sister is not only driving her home, but siding with her as well. Never mind that Troy and Marlena made it perfectly clear after today if they never see me again it will be too soon. That's fine. I've had it with them as well.

  Lexi meets us in the parking garage when we arrive at the building. Seems we're the last car to arrive. Troy and Marlena not only got here first, they're already done unpacking the car and are on their way home. I wonder if Noah drove like my grandmother on purpose so Troy and I wouldn't go at it any further. It doesn't fucking matter, I don't give a fuck about Troy, or Marlena right now. The only one I care about is Selene.

  I grab one of the heavy boxes from Noah's trunk and shoot my sister a dirty look as I walk past her. She doesn't say anything, and I'm wondering if Noah's given her some sort of signal to back off. I don't bother waiting for them, I get into the empty elevator and head up to my apartment by myself, wondering what I'm going to find when I get up there.

  The door to the apartment is unlocked. I trudge into the spare room and set the unassembled cradle down on the ground. I feel a twisting in my stomach as I approach the closed door to my bedroom. I clench and unclench my fists, then stretch my neck from side to side, hoping to calm myself before I go in there. With my hand on the knob I take a few breaths, until I think I've pulled myself together. I open the door and step inside to find Selene packing her clothes in a suitcase. I know I can't hold it together any longer.

  "What do you think you're doing?"

  "What does it look like? I'm packing."

  Three steps is all it takes for me to step in front of her, grab the suitcase and fling it into the corner, spilling all of its contents onto the floor. Selene jerks away from me as she gasps and covers her mouth with her hand.

  "No. You're not. You're not going anywhere."