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  "Cooper, you don't want me. Just let me go."

  I close in on her, hoping the combination of my height and my anger will intimidate her into backing down. "You're blowing this all out of proportion. I didn't do anything."

  "Hey, coop.” Noah peeks his head into the room. “We're going to get out of here. We'll finish unpacking the car later."

  I nod, keeping laser like focus on Selene.

  Her phone vibrates against her night table. I dart around her and grab it before she can. Just as I thought, Mateo.

  I answer it, hoping to get rid of this fucker once and for all.

  "Hey, Matt. Selene can't come to the phone right now. We're in the middle of something."

  "Just put her on. I know she's leaving you."

  My eyes seer into hers. He crossed a line, and it's her fault, she led him there. "Sorry for the confusion," I say with a bitter edge. "Selene isn't going anywhere. Tell him, baby. Tell your friend," I say the word with special emphasis, "that you're not going anywhere."

  I put the phone on speaker and hold it against her cheek.

  "I'll call you later," she says sounding beaten down and defeated.

  "I don't like the way you sound. I'll be there in fifteen minutes.

  I shake my head, signaling she needs to do better, and the way I'm pinning her down with my stare let's her know I mean business. Since she's not looking to say anything further, I do.

  "See, Matty, like I said, she isn't going anywhere. Now leave her alone so that we can work things out."

  "You hurt her and you're going to have to answer to me."

  "Oh yeah tough guy?" I pull the phone away from her and bring it up to my ear, adrenaline pumps through my veins as my body tenses, and prepares to fight. I turn from Selene because the anger racing through my veins now feels overpowering and I don't need her to see it and back away further. "Why don't you come here right now so I can kick your fucking ass? Huh? You want to be the hero? Come on, I dare you, be the fucking hero."

  Selene grabs the phone from behind me and pries it out of my hand. "I'm okay. I'll call you later. I promise."

  "Selene . . ." I hear the warning in his voice, and I can't help but respond.

  "She said she's fine, dick head."

  "You're a real tough guy. Let's see if you're still this tough the next time I see you."

  "I'll call you back," Selene says before things escalate any further and hangs up.

  She throws her phone on the bed and holds her head in her hands, letting the tears stream down again.

  My first instinct is to pull her into my arms and kiss her until she's better; until we're better. But I don't. I can't. I'm not just angry at how she reacted at the restaurant, I'm seething that once again she's turning away from me and turning to this guy that she supposedly doesn't have romantic feelings for.

  I sit on the bed and scrub my hands over my face. "This isn't working out is it?"

  "Really? What clued you in? The fact that you're so fucking desperate to be the playboy that you have to show your friends a video you made with some dumb slut during my baby shower?"

  I jump to my feet and get in her face.

  "Maybe if you gave me a chance to explain you'd know it isn't a video I made. I don't even know her."

  "I heard her calling your name."

  "That's right, Selene. She knew my name. She also knew about Anything Goes, that's what the stupid video was about in the first place. She wants on the show. She must have seen a picture or advertisement with me in it, and thought I could help her, I don't really know. Girls want me. That shouldn't surprise you. You knew that since we first got together. So I don't understand the FUCKING PROBLEM!"

  She sucks a breath in fighting back a fresh wave of tears.

  "Did it turn you on?"

  "You're kidding me, right?"

  She sniffles and shakes her head. "No. I'm not. I want to know. When you were watching, did you want to fuck her?"

  "So now I'm not allowed to be attracted to other women. I'm not allowed to fantasize?"

  "Just answer the question."

  "Fine. Yes. I watched and I wanted to fuck her. I wished for a moment, that she was in front of me. And if she was, I would've been tempted. That's right. I would've been. But in the end I wouldn't have touched her. You want to know why? Because I love you." At least I thought I did. Right now I'm not so sure.

  I need to punch something. I hope Mateo does show up so I can pound his face and relieve some of this tension. She's standing in front of me with her shoulders slumped, looking down at her feet. She's wounded, so I continue on the offensive battering away at her.

  "I don't know if it's the pregnancy that has you so insecure, or what the hell is going on, but you're a shadow of the girl I fell in love with. You need to get your shit together."

  I feel like crap the moment the words leave my mouth. I know I'm deflecting, blaming it all on her. If I treated her the way I did before her belly got big and round and looked like she swallowed a basketball, everything would be fine. But I can't. Each time I see her expanding stomach, a torrent of emotions swirl around inside me. They're strong and conflicting as I try to get over the feeling she betrayed me by getting pregnant. I won't give her the satisfaction of admitting any of this. I rather blame it all on her and make her take responsibility for what's happening.

  "Me?" She squeals.

  "Yes, you." I rummage through my closet for my suitcase and lay it on the bed.

  "What are you doing? This is your apartment, I said I'll leave."

  "And I said you're not going ANYWHERE!" I roar.

  Selene's eyes are filled with more than tears, they're filled with fear and trepidation. I can't say I blame her. I'm not quite sure what I'm capable of at the moment, and that's why I need to get away.

  "Look, you need to figure shit out, so I'll give you time to do that."

  "Where are you going? To Lexi's?"

  Needing to touch Selene, I move toward her and stroke her face. I work at keeping my face and temper even when she flinches away from me. Pulling away with her, another speck of hope.

  "California. I wasn't going to go to my father's wedding if you couldn't be there, and I knew it was too close to your due date for you to fly safely. But seeing how we're at each other's throats, I think it's best if I go there for a while. Besides, it gives us time to focus on what needs to be done for the show."

  I can't tell if she likes the idea or not. I wouldn't be surprised if the thought of me leaving brings her great joy. When I'm gone, she'll have free reign to run to Mateo.

  "That's it? You're just going to leave me?"

  "I'm giving you time and space to decide what you want. But I want you to understand something. No matter what you decide, the baby stays with me."

  "What? But you don't even want it!"

  "Your right, but that doesn't change the fact that you're having it. And I'm not okay with letting anyone else raise it. I'm not okay with giving some prick access to hurt my kid, and I'm not going to let you screw with its head the way my mother did with Lexi and me. If you leave, I will fight for custody."

  "You can't do that."

  "Watch me."

  I don't know why I said that. If she leaves with the kid, I can go back to the peaceful existence I had before Selene. An existence where ghosts didn't haunt me, and even if they did, I had enough distractions around I didn't notice. Before Selene, I had no need to think so much. This is it, a turning point, one from which there is no return. I need to stick to my guns and get away from her. I zip up my suitcase, lift it off the bed, and without a backward glance, I walk out of my apartment, and out of Selene's life, possibly forever.

  Chapter 22

  "Hey, Noah." I look up to find my father standing beside my friend. "Do you mind if I have some time alone with my son."

  "Of course not, sir." The consummate gentleman, Noah gets up and gives my father his seat.

  "Thank you," he says clapping Noah on the shoulder as the t
wo cross paths. "We should be landing in about an hour," he says settling into his seat.

  I nod.

  "I hope you know that I'm going to love and support you no matter what."

  "Thanks, Dad."

  "And I know you're worried sick about Selene. But son, you have to think about that baby."

  I don't want to hear this right now. I shake my head. "If she doesn't make it . . ."

  "If she doesn't make it and the baby does, you need to step up and be responsible. It's going to need a lot of love and care."

  "I'm not cut out for that. I'll put it up for adoption." But even as I say it, I'm not sure I really could.

  "You'll do no such thing."

  "Are you really lecturing me? You left us because you thought it was the right thing to do."

  "Yes. And I found out in the end how wrong I was. Believe me, son. If I could go back in time and redo it all I would. I know better than anyone what it means to walk away from your children because you think it's the right thing. And I'm telling you it's wrong. That child is yours and Selene's. Wouldn't you want to keep a piece of her? A piece of the both of you?"

  I shake my head. "I didn't want a baby. I wasn't ready for it. And I don't want to screw the kid’s life up before it even starts."

  "I understand." My father's hand finds my shoulder and squeezes. "Being responsible for another life is terrifying. But I promise you, when you hold that tiny bundle in your arms something in you changes. You find strength and courage you didn't know you had to love and protect your baby. Son, I give you my word, we'll be there for you. We'll all help. You don't have to do this on your own, but you have to do it."

  "You tried this lecture once before. That's why I went back to her in the first place."

  "No. You went back to her in the first place because you love her."

  "You don't know that. Hell, I don't even know that anymore."

  He gives me a pointed look. "You love her, Cooper. I don't know the gritty details since you won't tell me, but I know you love her."

  "Dad," I shake my head. I get it. He has his own guilt to deal with. He doesn't want to admit what a fuck-up I am. "I screw up everything I touch. The baby will be better off without me."

  "I know I'm not up for any father of the year awards, and I know a lot of this is my fault . . ."

  That's it. I've had it. I can't keep it together any longer.

  "You know what, it is your fault." He needs to back off. If he insists on going here, I'm happy to oblige. “Everything went to shit when you left, but you know what, I could've handled that. I did handle it. I dealt with Mom's bullshit and Lexi's abandonment issues. But then you'd come back to visit and that screwed things up even more. I dropped everything if you called, because I missed you, and I just wanted to spend some time with my father having fun like we used to."

  "Those times meant the world to me too, Cooper."

  "Except by dropping everything I dropped Luna, and I lost her forever. If I chose her over you, maybe she and I would've had a normal relationship. Maybe my whole fucking life would've turned out better."

  "I was never around for very long. One night wouldn't have made that much of a difference."

  "Except that it did." I close my eyes and tell my father the long sorted story I haven't told anyone.

  Chapter 23

  "Come on, Cooper, I really want to go to the party tonight. Please," she juts her bottom lip out and looks up at me through her dark lashes.

  I wrap my arms around Luna's slight waist and pull her against me. "I can't, baby. I haven't seen my father in almost a year." She rolls her eyes, but I choose to kiss her sweet lips and ignore it. "I have an idea, why don't you come with me, I'd love to introduce you. And I know he won't mind. He's really cool."

  She gives me an incredulous look, as if I said something strange and preposterous. "Yeah, no thanks." Luna gives me a quick peck on the lips. "Have fun. I'll miss you." she says over her shoulder as she leaves.

  I ring her doorbell bright and early the next morning. At least early for a teenager on a Sunday. But I know she's pissed that I didn't go with her to the stupid party. She hasn't returned any calls or texts since she left my house, and now I need to make amends. That's why I'm holding a helium balloon and a small bouquet of mixed flowers. My mother says flowers always brighten a woman's disposition.

  Luna's stepfather, Les, answers the door looking creepy as ever in his boxers and wife beater shirt, an open beer in his hand.

  "I know it's early, sir. But I'm here to surprise Luna." I hold the flowers up so he can get a better look at them.

  "She ain't here. Ain't come home last night. I figured she's with you," he says training his beady black eyes on me.

  Shit. I swallow hard, nervous that something's wrong with her, or worse. If it's not, I might have just caused a heap of trouble for my girl. Guilt wells in my chest. I know Luna's stepfather is abusive. I've seen bruises on her mother's face the few times I made it into the house, but Luna denies it and makes excuses for them. I've asked Luna if he's ever touched her, but each time she just changes the subject.

  "Um, I'm sorry to bother you, sir."

  "If you see her before I get my hands on her, you go on and tell her she had us up all night. She's gonna have to pay for worryin' her momma and me. You got that, lover boy?"

  "Yes sir," I turn and leave, with a sharp twisting in my gut. I need to find her. Warn her. I know she's been uncomfortable at home lately. She keeps telling me that Les is giving her the creeps, but she won't tell me why. As long as I get to her before she goes home, we can go back to the house together so I can make sure he doesn't lay a finger on her.

  I search for Luna frantically in all of our usual spots: the lake, the park, behind the high school. I'm thinking if she wanted to hide out and be alone she might be at one of them. It's where I'd go, but she's not anywhere.

  An hour passes since I left her house, and Luna's still not answering her phone. She has to be somewhere, and now that twisting feeling in my stomach is getting sharper and my throat is closing a bit. I start calling her friends to see if she crashed at one of their houses, but all I get is voicemail.

  I hope she's okay. I wonder if something happened with Les to cause her to go off the grid. Every muscle in me tenses as I consider it. I know he hasn't hit her as of yet, but I've seen marks on her arms from where he's grabbed her, and I'm not sure what he's capable of. If I find out he laid a finger on her, I'll make sure he's caged behind bars like the animal he is. I refrain from calling the house, because I doubt she's there and I don't want to make things worse for her.

  My phone rings. I recognize the number. Callie, her best friend. Finally, someone's getting back to me.

  "Cooper, I got your message." It's the tone in her voice that sends my heart into a death spiral. "She was really fucked up last night."

  "Fucked up how? Drunk? Stoned?"

  I know Luna smokes weed. She sneaks out of her bedroom window onto the roof at night and smokes. I know because I've used the ladder stored on the side of the house to climb up and smoke with her. I've never seen her over the top stoned, just silly and relaxed. But I feel right now that something is very wrong.

  Callie sucks a long breath in. "Fucked up as in when she got to the party she didn't seem right. She was shaking, and she looked like she was on the verge of tears."

  "Did she say why?" Guilt floods my chest. Something did happen, and I wasn't there for her.

  "No. She wouldn't talk about it. But Dex was there." Callie's tone drops. "He was able to calm her down."

  Dex. My heart sinks even further. Her ex-boyfriend.

  "They went out back, and they must have been there for a long time because I never saw either of them after that."

  "Coop, I'm pretty sure where ever she is, she's with him."

  "Thanks, Callie." My eyes burn with anger. She left with Dex. Great.

  No doubt she fucked him, too. It shouldn't surprise me. They were the hot and heavy "it" co
uple, before he very publicly cheated on her with a girl from the high school across town. After a few weeks of serious flirting, Luna and I got together. I thought she was over him. Guess I was wrong.

  My search is over.

  I know in my heart that she's moved on, and I hate her for it.

  *

  I don't bother coming out of my room when the doorbell rings. Neither my mother or sister are speaking to me. They're too fucking emotional and analytical. They see I'm pissed, that I came home and slashed the "I love you" balloon I bought for Luna with a kitchen knife, and they want me to talk about it. Hello, what's there to talk about?

  I'm surprised at the knock on my door. I haven't heard from Luna all day, bitch didn't even have the decency to call me back. Not that I would've answered, but still, we just had sex for the first time two nights ago, and the next day she's off with Dex? Guess I didn't fuck her hard enough, or I treated her with too much fucking respect. I close my eyes and take a breath before telling whoever is on the other side of the door to go away.

  The door opens in-spite of what I said. Blue/violet eyes meet mine. They're nervous. Scared. Full of tears. My heart picks up speed.

  I'm not sure if it's my racing pulse or torrential anger that's making me hot. As I stare at her my eyes burn, my jaw clenches, and I cross my arms over my chest doing my best to hold them there so I don't reach out and strangle her.

  "Cooper," my name is a plea on her lips.

  I don't answer. I don't know why she's here. I don't think I care either.

  Her tongue darts out, moisturizing her lips. I think she's doing it to soften me up. I always commented on how that turned me on. Sorry, baby. Those days are over.

  "Cooper, I'm so sorry."

  I rub the back of my neck. "What are you apologizing for? Blowing me off? Worrying me? Or cheating on me?"

  Her gaze drops to the floor again. I'm waiting, but I don't hear the one thing I'm longing for: a denial.

  I take a step toward her, and for a moment, she lifts her eyes to meet mine and I see hope in them. She thinks there's a chance. The feeling makes me happy. She's light and vulnerable, and hoping we can work it out. I force my lips up at the corners, and she smiles back at me and advances, placing her hands on my arms. It means the rejection will sting her that much more.